My 1st follower, across the pond, my breakfast, and story time!

So I promised to make this post interesting and about my breakfast!

Bagel's & Joe danish and a small carmel fufu drink...BAM there it is!

Exciting huh? No, not even close. So, to make it exciting I'll share how the ghost of the raccoon I ran over last night. *epic movie music with thunder crashing*

The clouds were low as the fog floated up to meet in a loving embrace. There was no love in the car racing down the road. Escape, she must move faster. Her breakfast won't wait and it must be eaten before...

The fog rose up into the road as if something moving from the edge carried it with. It was back. It had never truly left, trying to get closer. 

Her turn, thank god! Tires peeling out as she barley slowed for the turn. Almost there.

Glancing to her side the fog was almost to the door handle of the car. It wasn't being affected by the speed of the car. It continued to engulf the car.

The lights of the establishment pecked over the hill, her breakfast was quickly approaching. Safety! 

The fog was now nearly over the window sill. She'll have to thrust open the door and hope that is enough of an opening.

Squealing into the parking lot to a dead stop the car and go, go, go!

The fog whisked around the quickly opened door. Don't look back, go, go go!

Bells violently clang as she flings the door open.

"Caramel latte and a Danish for here please.  It's crazy weather out there. Thank you."

Grabbing her breakfast she took a seat by the window. Hopefully she could watch to make sure that fog was gone. 

It was gone. Not only gone but the morning showed that there had been no fog. The sun was coming up and she could see for blocks, clearly. 

Her heart skipped a beat, was she going crazy? The coffee was delicious and relaxing. Finishing the danish she slowly exited to her car. She still didn't trust what was going on around her.

Fumbling for her keys she just wanted into her car, it's safe in there. Then it came. It surrounded quickly and quietly. The keys hit the ground as the sound was muffled as if miles away. She pushed her hands forward hoping to feel the car. There was nothing. Tiny step forward, still nothing. A larger step this time. She could hear some approaching from the right. Relief, she was still in the parking lot.

Bright lights suddenly came upon her. The sound abruptly stopped. 

Am I really that creative person?

I'm sitting in my Intro. to Digital Imaging and the folks around are super creative. I know I tend to immediately get insecure and jealous because I can't do decent/good spontaneous art things. Now if I would practice and not get pissed when I mess up because telling myself I'm a super novice and with practice I'd get better, it still doesn't work. I still get super annoyed at myself for not being perfect NOW!!

I think so detailed, it's almost to detrimental to being a creative person. I'm never satisfied with basic answers. 

We'll over this insecure hump an on to the next!

Book Review by: A Non Book Reviewer

So, I just finished the first published book “Double Dead” by Chuck Wendig, on my Kindle. The first book of my "reading project that I hope to actually finish." I’m not a big reader (I know, I know, I’m a horrible person) and I really want to change that.  I will admit that I consistently follow his blog (www.terribleminds.com) and his Twitter account. I figured he’d be a good place to start.  I enjoy his banters enough to keep coming back for more! Whether it’s his awkward staring at your soul or loud slurping of earl grey tea, it makes me have to come back again and again and well…again. On to the actual book review, of which I have absolutely no credentials to write, here we go.

I loved it!!! The relationships between Coburn (vampire whose kind of an asshat *ponders that statement* okay is an asshat) and all the humans he plays with…I mean deals with. There were a few “oh shit, no way” moments, which I loved and pulled at the heart strings of this reader.

There we go…right?

Oh there needs to be more substance? Okay.  *goes and reviews Amazon.com reviewer comments* Wow, those are small, basic, and to the point!

I’m sticking with this, good day Sir.

GM(Gaming Master)/DM (Dungeon Master) Discussion Group - Facebook

So my husband started a GM (Gaming Master or DM/Dungeon Master) FB page to help DM’s out and discussion. I’m excited to have the discussion between so many GM’s and I get to be included in it. Here’s what my introduction has to say:

“I guess the wife better get her stuff posted here too! J Okay, so I haven’t played as long as Thomas nor did I really know the existence of DnD or those types games until I met him.  I knew MMO’s and video games so this was a new realm for me.  The only reason I took up DM/GM’ing was because I wanted Thomas to enjoying playing instead of always running a game.  My first game had its highlights (only after it was over), but mostly I learned that things I thought players would get because they were simple were made excruciatingly hard.  Things I thought would be super hard were completed in a blink of an eye.  Oh, and Thomas got upset super easy with all my riddles….I thought they were brilliant to make the player actually think.  Well needless to say the story fell apart and I stopped for a bit thinking I had done something terribly wrong and that I just plan sucked. Luckily, later Thomas informed me he actually enjoyed it as he hadn’t played like that before. So with a few ego strokes from the hubby, I tried again. With each game I learned more. I would planned way too much I would get informed that I wasn’t giving the players the ability to decide their own fates. So I’d open the floor to let them do what they wanted and give themselves direction, that ended with begin informed that players need some direction. I had to get the porridge just right.  All good critiques really and knowing who the players were makes a big difference.  Okay, I think I’ve deviated from what the original reason for this post is, which is introduction.  Ekk, let me get back on track. As I stated above I have only DM/GM’ed for a few years. My main inspiration is Thomas, but I’ve played under Craig, Chris and Steph Rathburn, James Blanchard, and heard never ending stories of the epic quests in Kearney under John.

Right now I’m running a Scion game and a DnD game when time permits. I enjoy telling stories and making players really think about how their character would react to a situation, not themselves.  I know for me as a player that is really hard…Thomas can attest to that! J”

If you’re a GM/DM and wish to be a part of this discussion group please contact me through email at iliamarie2001@gmail.com and I’ll let the administrator the page know.

Happy GM/DM’ing!! 

Chuck Wendig. Book 1. Start!

So I've been following the author Chuck Wendig for many months now and have decided to read all his books. If his books reflect his blog I'm in for a treat. I want to support an author that takes time to entertain me every day (no joke, everyday!). 

http://terribleminds.com (sorry for no hyperlink, but copy/paste rocks)

So to start off, hopefully I got his first published book as I'd like to go in order.

Double Dead

I'll write a review when I'm all the way through it.

If anyone wants to join me on this trek I'd enjoy some company!

Movie Review Time, Yay Netflix! "Against the Dark"

Good evening everyone,
So last night Thomas and I tried to watch a movie I saw on Netflix. It had Steven Seagal, with a sword, in front of two vampire chicks. Now take into account that someone merely flipped the one girls image to make it look, well, cooler? I know my graphics design teacher would freak out if he saw that's what I had done for a finished project. I digress, it's Steven Seagal so I was like "Hey, let's watch that. How bad could it be?Seagal will do some martial arts which will make it entertaining."  Well I was wrong, super wrong. We, I mean I,  didn't make it through more then 20 minutes of the movie and I couldn't watch anymore.

The movie went like this (at least the 20 minutes I watched):
Scene 1: Steven Seagal and some random folks, at night (oh when they tell you not to go out at night cause that's when all the vampires are out) and they slice up some "vampires."  Oh and each clip shown of the "vampries" make you think they are zombies. I don't think the director knows his horror monsters. Now I'm assuming Seagal did some martial arts stuff with that cool sword but I can't say for sure as their lighting didn't show anything. At least the sound guys tried their best to make up for it. You do see Seagal move though, so you can assume.

Scene 2: Away from Seagal and his band of black wearing lackeys and to a group of normal people who are actually the story plot. Now enters in the cookie cutter dialogue. Now this was a teaching moment for me because I thought back on some of the things I wrote and worried if my stuff sounded like this movie. It was bad.

Scene 3: Back to Seagal, walking in the dark, with a sword *cough* just like the move cover *cough*, slicing up a few things, saves a kid, and then makes a comment that had no place at all. Thomas stated that they probably edited out the sentence/conversation prior to Seagal comment...not sure why'd you do.

Scene 4: Back to actual plot and characters, enter cookie cutter dialog...and turned the movie off...

Now I know to give a movie a real review you should watch the who thing but I just couldn't. Seagal fits into a category with Jean Claude Van Damme of actors who are fun to watch because they are more of a martial arts tool then an actor.  Sorry guys, I enjoy watching you but come on.

If anyone actually makes it through the movie you can prove me wrong or tell me it gets better, I'd enjoy hearing from you!

Family Emergency Preparedness

I've been hearing a lot of radio commercials about being prepare for emergency situations. This really makes me think about my family situation. We get so complacent because here, Lincoln Nebraska, stuff rarely happens. Tornados miss us, an occasion snow/ice storm, heat wave, nothing catastrophic *knocks on wood*. 

This makes me think of how complacency can effect my personal family and really everyone around me. I don't want myself, or my family to be caught off guard. Catastrophes can happen quick and without warning so we need to be ready. Now, to be prepare for everything just isn't obtainable, but to have the necessitates to help get through it can be. 

Preparation can even go so far as to make meeting place arrangements because emergencies aren't going to happen when everyone is concise entry together. Kid will be at school and parents will be at work, the furthest away everyone can be from each other. When disaster strikes where does everyone want to be? Together! Where will everyone most likely start? On all different corners if the city. 

Saying you'll put something together later us jut as helpful as making giant plans and not following through. Baby steps, remember something is always better then nothing. My family lives in an apartment so we can't have a basement of necessities. What we can do is have a closet and some travel bags ready to go. Having items I'm a car is always a good idea too, there's a very good chance you could be in your car when something hits. 

There are a lot if really good sites to help you and your family build a kit.

http://m.fema.gov/

http://www.ready.gov/build-a-kit

http://www.redcross.org/prepare/location/home-family/get-kit

http://www.bt.cdc.gov/preparedness/kit/disasters/

Remember, you'll be super mad when a disaster hits and your not ready .

Another "I don't know" days....

Perhaps it's the Mondays coming to drain my soul, but I am really feeling the uncertainty of life. It's like all avenues taken, whether tiny or huge, are all giant issues that I'm triple checking myself on. Yet I'm still unable to make a clear decision on what the right path is. I'm probably already going down the right paths, but that certainty is an evading little rascal. 

I started the app, "Zombies, run! 2" yesterday and it was great...except the side effect of my mind thinking the possibility of it being reality. I mean, if something like that really did happen, I'm super screwed!! I learned that jogging away from the incoming zombies horde is NOT good enough. When they say you need to run, they are not joking. They mean "run chubby lady RUN!" 

As I sit at work today i heard a plane/jet fly over really low and my thoughts flashed to a bomb dropping. positive right?! I realized that I hope my family and I are in the 'instant death' radius so we don't have to deal with the aftermath. Is it bad that I wish for a quick and painless death for my family then to deal with the horrible possibilities of "....what happens next"?

Self preservation is VERY important don't get me wrong. It's just scary to think about. When co-workers call me the zombie lady cause they think I 'Like' zombies I have to clarify that I do NOT like zombies. It's fascinating but really very scary and inflicts nightmares and daymares. 

What's a "daymare" you ask? It's when your awake and your mind throws instant scary thoughts to where you know it's not real but you still don't open that curtain because there's that 1% chance it could be. 

So, in conclusion, this Monday is making me feel less then a proper decision making adult and more of the panic, second guessing human.

Oh, don't forget I have a project to do in my Graphic Design class so huzzah for going into it with great feelings!!! Ha!

What I wish to tell you….

When I’m not sad, depressed, pissed off, or just down right crappy I don’t blog; at least not my feelings.  I’ll post other things, old writings and such for whoever finds this page and take a moment to read it.  I appreciate the random folks who do read my page.  I know it’s not a lot; I know I’m not the best writer; I know…I know…I know….

I’ve actually been in fairly decent to great mood. When there’s no internal drama I don’t seem to have anything in depth to rank/share with folks.

I’ve starting writing again and hopefully I’ll post some stuff on here when it’s done. Some of it won’t as they are intended for other destinations. But what I do have here I hope everyone enjoys reading.

I started a DnD (3.5 Edition) game called “Half Pint Happy Hour.” I made it up randomly on the spot like any good GM and the name stuck.  I’ll be posting updates on that game as it goes along.  We’ve had our first session and as soon as it’s written up it will be at your viewing pleasure. I hope the postings to come on our adventures are entertaining.

Here's to another great/busy week!

An old background I found for a character in a White Wolf game

Wrote in November 2009 -

He was laying there, blood was seeping each crack that spread under his body along the stone walk. It was my nightly walk in my garden and tonight it was interrupted by this man, this bloody man. I could feel myself starting to breath faster, what is he doing here, why is he hurt and in my garden. I closed my eyes and I could once again see a vision of blood from long ago. I shake myself out of the thought , I could feel the cool winters night breeze on my hands. I glanced down to see that my gloves were no long looking the way they were supposed to when I placed them on before my walk. It had happened again, something triggered my senses for my hands to have changed. I peer around, wondering if anyone else was there, something else must be happening if my claws were coming out.. I took a deep breath feeling the cool air enter my chest. My legs moves me closer to the body on my walk way. Why did he have to fall onto my walk way and what the heck was he doing to actually land this far into my garden with so much blood? So many thoughts, racing through my head. But, to my body, it did not stop for an instant to ponder on these questions. Another step closer. I didn't want to be there, I don't like all this blood, it always brings out the worst in me. And of course ruins my gloves every time! I could feel a high sigh exit my mouth as if annoyed at this body laying in my way. How I hate it when my hands do this.

My body moves another step closer. The smell of his blood is overpowering. It's strange I don't have the urge to feed as I'm staring at the blood oozing out from countless spots on his body. I can see the blooding running throughout the cracks of my stone walkway like blood running through the veins of a body. I gaze upon the man laying almost lifeless in front of me. I can begin to feel the warmth of his blood the tips of my toes. I glanced at my feet and almost childishly I shrug my shoulders and sigh to myself. My shoes have been torn apart and my toes were sticking into the blood.

I could feel my body slowly, cautiously kneel down. I could feel the cold of the stone through my jeans, yet I could feel the warmth of his body pushing back the cold. He smelled different, his blood smelled familiar some how. Another deep breath, his blood was very familiar, almost to familiar for my liking. A shiver suddenly ran down my spin as I a small growl exit my throat. I instantly peered up as I quickly placed my claw next to his neck. I peered into the tree covering the wall only a few feet away. Another low growl let loose. I could feel the hair on my face and back start to stand on end as it slowly grew from my skin. Something was there, I could feel it. I could feel it was something and something that needed to leave my garden immediately. I could see the bush move, as my growl increased in sound. Whoever or whatever was hiding there would get the picture that they needed to leave now or suffer the consequence of their decision to stay.

I could feel this mans blood on m palms now as I leaned over growling at the movement in the bushes.
“Leave now!” I pushed out of my throat with a low growl.

The bushes pushed aside and another man stepped out. He looked just as beat up and blood was dripping from the side of his shirt. His head was bleeding down his ear and his eye was swollen shut. I could smell his mans blood and the hairs on my back stood straight up. But why, I could hear myself asking. Why doesn't the man under me make my skin crawl when I smell his blood, yet this man, this man I know I would kill if he makes one wrong move. There was something strong about this man as he limped a few more feet out of the bushes.
“Get out!” I growled even louder at him. “I will not give you another warning.”
I crawled over the man laying on the path as if to protect his man I know nothing about. He could be the predator for all I know, but no, I don't feel that about it. I feel that about this man limping out of my bushes.

It seemed like forever that the man stood there and stared at me. I could only feel my skin crawl with every breath he took, not wanting to move lest I fear he would get to his victim to finish him off. And then all of a sudden, as if our time was up he quickly vanished in mid jump. I could smell him go up into the trees, and saw the leaves move as he jump back up and over the hidden wall. I looked around and sniffed at the sky and the mans blood scent was gone. I slowly turned around and stayed on my hands and knees, lowering my head to his I placed my nose under his. I could feel movement on my nose. He was still alive. Instantly I stood up as my hands and feet returned to normal with shreds of gloves and shoes hanging off me.

I knew I could help him, I wanted to help him. I didn't understand why, when I have let so many die before. There was something about him, something I couldn't figure out. But there was no time for that, I could feel it in my bones, he wasn't going to last long if I didn't help him fast. I quickly picked him up as if mother was lifting a sleeping child. As I swiftly moved back towards my sanctuary I peered behind my shoulder at the tree the mysterious man had exited from. Why was he after this man? Or was this man after him? I look over my other shoulder, and see my fathers fountain shining in the moonlight.

“I'm sorry father, I have to cancel our walk tonight.” I look back down at the limp man in my arms as I can feel the blood running over my arms and hands.

I felt a small shiver in my arms and suddenly only thoughts of the dying man flooded my mind. I needed to get him to my inner chamber and fast.

I make my way down the stair case past all the bookshelves to the very back of the library where I push on my favorite book and the bookshelf slides away as if surrendering the wall to me and I walk through the darkness behind it.

I briskly flow down the dark stair way as if a sheet of ice were under my feet while whisping my way around all the objects that hung off the walls, avoiding any collision with them. Finally I can see a light at the bottom of the winding staircase and I feel a small bit of relief knowing I'm almost to my chambers.

As I glide through my doorway and my eyes don't even flinch as the lights turn themselves on. I rush to the bedside and as gently as I lay the nameless man on my bed.

Blood sprays out of his mouth as his body thrusts out a cough. He fades away just as he fast as he awoke to call forth this name.

“Save him!” I could hear my inner voice shout.

I jolt up as if it was that voice throwing me off my knees and into action. I knew...I knew that he was like me. I could smell it on him every drop of his blood screamed at me that he wasn't what I use to be.

Why save him? My younger voice cried out. I must save him, I could hear myself saying out loud as it echoed off the walls.

“Where is it?” I yell as I throw my books off my desk.

“...you left it next to the...” a voice whispers into my ear

“CLOCK!” I shout as I whirl around and dash across my room. I was reading it last night I had an urge to remember the healing sequence I had just read about. It was odd that I even had found that book when I had, it had been hidden so well by my father. What luck that I had found it when I had.

I slam the book open so hard that papers fly off my desk obscurely landing on the floor. I run my finders down one page...”not this page”...I madly scamper to the next few pages....”Where is it” I grunted out...”I know it's here!”

I heard another gurgle and gush of blood and I made me spin around, I can seem him trying to move, grasping at the air above him as if crying out for someone or something.

I rush to the side of the bed with the book in hand and lay it down as I grab his hand and rest it back on his stomach.

“It's okay, it'll be okay.” I answer to him as I move his hair away from his bleeding face. I hope that helps to calm him down.

I see his body once again fall almost completely limp in my bed.

“you must hurry” I could hear my voice saying, “I know!” I answered back as I let out an angry sigh.
“I can't find what I'm looking for!” I almost screamed as I was tearing through the book. I could feel something was wrong with me, I never handle books this way. But I couldn't stop, something was pushing me to find what I needed. I was scared...what if I couldn't save him. What if I couldn't find what I needed to....what if it didn't even work!?

“Enough” I yelled out. I took a deep breathing and focused.

A few more pages went by, I could barely hear his breathing now. “You must hurry!” I could hear the voice saying again.

“There!” I shouted as I poked the book so hard that I could feel the pressure shoot up my arm. I scanned my fingers along the words as I whispered them out loud.

“That's it.” I stood up and laid his arms next to him. “you must hurry!” The voice ran out again. I couldn't answer I needed to focus.

“I hope this works.” I sighed out.

As he lay before me, arms at his side and his legs straightened out I raised my hands over his body.

Coming back to it?

I’ve been away; obviously. It’s almost two months since I’ve posted something on here. Thinking about how long that is; it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. How times goes by as you get older; how times goes by as you become increasingly lazy in life.  At least that’s how it is for me I’m afraid. I don’t understand why I want so badly to do things but I’m not motivated enough to actually do them.  It’s ridiculous. I feel I’m actually putting myself in a horrible mood, making me physically ill with boredom and sadness just because I can’t sit up and do something.  It’s so dumb.  I don’t see how this self-realization of my situation can help; in fact I think it makes it worse because I understand my situation. Therefore I’ve lost all naiveté and must hold myself accountable for my actions and behaviors. If I didn’t understand what I was doing or why then I can’t blame someone else. It’s always easier to blame someone or something else then to hold yourself accountable. No resolutions, no goals, no promises. I apparently do better and achieve more if I just do it when I want to do it. As soon as I make it more than that, the motivation is gone. The urge and yearning to physical write is there; my stories scream at me to be told.  It’s odd if I were single, no husband, no son I think I would submerge myself in my writing with giant bouts of laziness and not worry about any responsibilities at all.  I’m so worried that I’ll start down that road with my family and responsibilities and I will become engulf taking me away from the things I really need to be focusing on.  It worries me so much that I’d rather be lazy and not write, then to sit up, write, and get into something that actually makes me feel good.  It’s so interesting.  Well more annoying and disappointment in myself but still interesting.  I’ve recently been thinking a lot about my past as well and certain things I’m remember from when I was a child are very similar to things I’ve done as an adult.  It really makes me thing how my next thirty years in life will be and how much my behavior will not have changed.  I physical grew up from child to adult but certain things stayed the same and I never knew it.  Will this self-realization even help me in my next however many years I’m still here? Or will it be an “oh I’ve done that before I should have paid more attention” type situations.  Well, I must say 2013 isn’t starting out so great, maybe I can use this to make something out of it.