Rambling...

WARNING: This is NOT edited, sort of like doing a journal/brainstorming and you’ll just have to deal! Every time I want to start writing I look something up; whether it’s about the impending doom on NanoWrimo or just someone’s view of writing.  Either way I’m sorely disappointed when I’m done reading about it. I don’t know why I have such an urge to write with all these random ideas throughout the day that I want to rush home and right about. Of course as soon as I start that journey of rushing home, 20 minutes later and that trip has devoured my ambition to write.  Though I sometimes come up with more ideas; bonus right?  I read these multitudes of pages from people showing and telling about how to write better or be a better writing or how to sit on the toilet correctly so you can write the perfect sentence.  Gee, don’t I sound like a negative Nancy…well to be honest the best way to describe that part of me is a quote from my husband, “You always have a way to see the challenges one might face in any new endeavor.”  I do that to myself a million times a day, someone is just lucky if I throw my thoughts their way.  I don’t read much or at all so that’s a strike against a handful of writers out there who say  that if you want to write you need to be, or most likely are, an avid reader.  Oh I’ll pick up a book once maybe twice a year and have it read that night. I’m obsessive like that; but that’s about as far as it goes.  I have to keep that urge in check so I don’t completely cut out the rest of world.  Then there’s the rule of writing every day, everywhere you go, which I can see more of. I’ve at least tried this a few time.  Sometimes in the morning at work before starting the day; but apparently only when I’m not feeling myself do I actually stick to that rule.  It does help me get out of that crappy shell feeling.  But the question is do I stick with any of those plans? The audience replies….NO!  Oh aren’t’ they all so happy looking when they should that, as if they were going to receive a price for giving an answer we all already know.  Oh well, they try their best.  What about contests you say? Oh the world of finding and doing writing challenges and contests.  I think this is a great idea and I’ve looked up my fair share.  I may even write them down and start the name of the challenge/contest and rules on a new Word document and save it.  This starts and ends it for me.  It’s the old phrase of having the cart before the horse.  I’m looking for how to work with a finish product when all I have are ideas and a few sentences.  I hope that these searches for challenges and contests would urge me to finish something.  Alas, that’s a negative.  But as you can see I’ve actually started writing this really long paragraph and only got up once.  Yay for me!  But what do I really want? Well I’m sure it’s what everyone else out there wants.  To have the determination to actually start, continue working on, and complete something.  Doesn’t sound hard does it? Well that’s why I like my job. It makes me get up, makes me get there and start work that I actually love doing once I get myself going (a mountain dew always helps).  And know that the end of the day is coming so I can take that okay length drive home and loss all interesting in what I had thought of through the day.  Then be bummed by bedtime that I didn’t have the energy or will to actually sit down and write.  Oh and let me tell you this cycle you are reading about, doesn’t end.  I go through it in moments, days, weeks it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t have to be with writing either. It’s whatever I decide I should start doing today or this moment.  Right now it’s writing about how frustrated I am with not being able to finish something and I’m not sure I’ll finish…